My Story - Looking Back

I'm living a lifeless life these days. Sleeping at four, five in the morning, and waking in the late afternoon. There's just no motivation for me. Sometimes, I think of her. But most of the time, my mind switches off, and I am a lifeless corpse. I've been dreaming of her, on and off, and sometimes, other girls, strangers to me, just girls that appear in my dreams. I was to woo them in my dreams.

I really wonder how are you these days. I have not talked to you for ages. Many times I wonder, how are you now? Well, I guess you are fine. Coincidentally, just today, oh, it is already past midnight, just yesterday morning, my friends saw you at the MacDonalds near our school. Well, you should be fine enough, to be there I guess. However stupid I might sound typing this entry up till now, I just want you to know, I miss you, and I hope that you are fine.

Looking back at the past, I wonder, would I be here today, in this sorry state, if I dared to dream, dared to take my chances then? Flashback to Secondary One. A couple of times you asked me to go to the movies with your female friends. I was the only guy you asked. Yes, maybe I should not look too much into it, but was that a sign? Maybe. But I was stupid. I did not take my chances. I am still a relative newbie in such disciplines of love. I asked another guy to follow to the movies. Right or wrong move? I may never know. Maybe I should have just gone alone, and let you have the responsibilty to entertain me! =P. Thats the first smiley so far in all of my entries.

I am going to end off my entry here. I know I sound silly, I feel that way too. But love makes a person insane. Love is blind, crazy. Love is something, that, maybe, till today, is something that I have not seen yet. Dare I call my feelings for you love?

No. I do not know what love is.

posted by Jason Chua at 12/02/2003 01:37:00 AM |