My Story - At the end of 2002

Nothing much happened between us. I did not dare to approach her. She wrecked my confidence everytime I chatted with her...That is why till now I am still pretty shy with females.

Most guys, at least in my opinion, would have already given up on her. I guess I was just a little slower and dumber.

Our class had a chalet in November. Remembered you were sick then...and you lied that you were not going to the chalet. I hated people to lie to me, yet I could not get angry at you.

When I got there, I found out that you had a new haircut. You just looked so cute with short hair! At the chalet, we did our own things. I played football in the court, in the wee hours of the morning. You? I did not even know where did you go..

It was only after the first night, I started seeing you more often in the chalet. Our class spent most of our time in the pool now. We would just sit around the pool and chat. We, not as in you and me...but our class.

I could remember, one night in the pool I saw a shooting star. I remember wishing that I could love you forever. A lengthy claim, I know. But that was what I wanted. The pool was were our class spent the happiest days of our lives...

But it was also the time...when I felt very tormented. At the last night of our chalet, our class was at the pool again. This time...you slept on one of our male classmate's back in the pool. I have to admit, I felt so jealous. Please do not term me as childish...It was only a human reaction. I was only being human. Later, we went back to our chalet bungalow. Some of our friends were dead tired, and just slept in the chairs, still wet from swimming. You went ahead and put a towel on them, worried that they might fall sick. I was touched...not only touched...but envious. And I was remorseful...for feeling that dreaded feeling of jealously. I always had believed that trust was the basis of love. Yet, I lost that trust.


When our friends decided to go back to the pool once more, I did not want to be inside the pool. I lied on the deck chair and thought. Why was I still having feelings for you? I was ravaged at that point of time. I do not think I was being too sensitive...though my heart was crying at that point. Please do not call me a sissy, does a man cannot feel the emotion of sadness?

posted by Jason Chua at 9/28/2003 04:07:00 PM |